Cars, Trucks, Boats & Tractors

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• CUSTOMER COMPLAINT:   DRIVER: I want to see the shop manager. SHOP MANAGER:   How can I help you?   DRIVER: Your mechanic messed up my car three times and I want it fixed properly. SHOP MANAGER:   My mechanic has only been here for thirty-five years and will soon learn to get it right. If you bring your car back in 7 weeks, I will personally make sure it is repaired properly.

• CAR SALES PERSON:   Can I help you? SHOPPER: Yes. I am interested in this Mid-sized SUV. The sales person shows the car to the shopper and they go into the dealer's office. Are you ready to purchase the car today. SHOPPER: No. I want to take a night to think it over. (The Next Day) SHOPPER: I have decided to buy the car. Did you sell it yet. SALES PERSON: No, but the price went up 9 percent overnight.

• NEED TO KNOW:   WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT BUYING GAS FOR YOUR CAR:   It is FLAMMABLE, It is EXPENSIVE & It can burn a HUGE hole in your wallet in a few seconds.

• HONK CAR HORN:   HONK:   I gave a real loud blast on my car horn at a slow driver.   CAR:   So, you wanted to scream at the driver of the other car and let them know you were upset, Right?

• TRAFFIC JAMB:   SPOUSE :   Long time no SEE.   ARDEN: I was stuck in a traffic jamb.   SPOUSE : For 10 weeks?   ARDEN: Yes and I was able to complete a 3 semester hour online college course in stress management while I was waiting.

• FAST CAR:   SALES PERSON:   What kind of vehicle are you looking for?   JORDAN: The fastest car you have.   SALES PERSON: Why?   JORDAN: So I can stay ahead of my UTILITY BILLS.

• FUN OUT OF DRIVING:   NURU: How is your new car doing?   KADE: I don't know. If do not turn off the lights it turns them off form me. If I don't close the trunk a light on the dash tells me it is open. When I get low on gas a little gas pump icon appears on my dash. And if the parking brake is on it warns me. They have taken all the fun out of driving!

• RACE WITH MY CAR:   JACE: How are you doing?   MORGAN: Not so good. I'm in a race with my car to see who will last the longest. It looks like my car is winning.

• CAR WON'T START:   LINCOLN: When my car won't start, my brother always offers to help me get it started because he says he knows everything.

• LIKE YOUR CAR:   COREY: I really like your car.   Glenn: My car is for sale. ... How much did you say you like my car?

• SPARK PLUG:   MECHANIC: Good News, you only have a bad spark plug in your car. A spark plug will cost about $7.50.   THE BAD NEWS IS: we had to take the intake manifold off and remove half of the engine to get at the spark plug. The labor for that will be about 2,000 dollars plus tax.