Bad News & Business

• INTEREST RATES:   OUR INTEREST RATE is the incredibly low rate of only 35% per year on the unpaid balance.

• EASY TO USE PRINTER:   WITH OUR EXCLUSIVE 1,739 page instruction manual, you will be printing your favorite documents and photos in less than 35 years.

• PHONE BOOTH:   SELF SERVICE PHONE BOOTH  Bring your own cell phone.

• WRITE-UP:   LANDRY:   I got written up today for not asking a customer to take a survey and not asking the customer to buy an extended warrantee on their widget purchase.

• SAVE 30%:   CALLER:   The reason I am calling today is to offer you the opportunity to save 30 percent off our new line of products that glow in the dark.   Sidney I saved 20 percent on my car, 35 percent on my new TV, 50 percent on a new sofa and 35 percent on our new bedroom suite. I don't think I can afford to save anymore.

• EARLY BIRD:   BIRD:   "The early bird gets the worm."   THE EARLY PHONE CALLER: gets a lot of option numbers before being put on hold and then told to leave their name and number and a brief message. We will return your call within 24 hours. Nine years later they are still waiting for their return call.

• CONFUSION:   ARIEL to BOSS: I don't understand doing all this paperwork, being required to sign so many papers & still have time to clean restrooms.  BOSS: Well, it is Deliberate Confusion for the sake of Confusion, Business Control, Forced Compliance & Power Grabbing. Do you Understand?   ARIAL: NO!   BOSS: OK. I understand. Here is a copy of our 1,353 page manual on how we make your workplace environment SIMPLE & SAFE. I expect you to have it read by noon tomorrow.

• CAT CHASING ITS TAIL:   CEO to MORGAN: We are so lucky to live an a era where the minimum wage will soon be 15 dollars an hour.   MORGAN: Yeah. Minimum wage is like a cat chasing its tail. The minimum wage goes up almost as fast as prices.

• TAKING APPLICATIONS:   AN APPLICANT: Spent hours gathering paperwork and completing the application process for a job. After they submitted the application, the interviewer said, "This application is for a job that will open next up spring."

• CASHIER:   CASHIER: Are you ready to check out?   CUSTOMER: NO, I plan to live another 50 years.

• SURVEY:   PHONE RINGS: Hello. The reason I am calling today is to ask if you have completed the survey we sent you.   KADE: Yes. It joined the GREEN REVOLUTION. I put it in the recycle BIN.

• BANK TELLER:   How may I help you?   PARKER: My credit card has a problem. I went to 10 different stores and their prices burned a hole in it. I need a new one.

• CASHIER:   Would you like cash back?   CUSTOMER: No. I can't afford cash back.

• TIME MANAGEMENT:   CLOCK: How did time management class go today?   TIME: OK. But I missed the first half of class because I was LATE.

• COMPLAINT:   Boss's Secretary: Can I Help you?   EMPLOYEE: I have a Complaint. I would like to see the Boss.   Boss's Secretary: Complaints are always welcome, but the result is usually about the same as an ANT trying to step on an ELEPHANT.

• LONG LINES:   Ever notice that there seems to be long lines at some stores with self-checkout machines. Could it be caused by FORCED COMPLIANCE to get one to use a Self Checkout Machine?

• ANSWERING MACHINE:   Hello: I'm either away from my desk or on the other line. If you will leave your name and number, I will return your call sometime this YEAR!

• OPEN DOOR POLICY:   WORKER: What does open door policy mean?   CEO:  It means you are welcome to come in and complain anytime and then LEAVE. Be sure to close the door behind you.

• WIDGET:   CUSTOMER: I'd like one widget please.   Sales REP: One widget with everything on it. Coming right up! Oh, by the way, do you have a truck?   CUSTOMER: Yes. Why do you ask?   Sales REP: Because you will need it to haul away all of the privacy notices, All possible upgrades, Service Fees and Disclaimers.

• FINANCIAL ADVICE:   Adviser: My best advice is to invest in DEBT because there is plenty for everyone, and it is growing like a WEED.

• PRODUCTS: Too bad your products don’t last as long as your price tags.

• EMPLOYMENT OFFICE: What kind of “minimum wage job” are your looking for.

• COMPETITION: CLERK: Our competition is taking a lot of our market share! OWNER: Well just patent our products and get a law passed so they can’t sell their products legally.

• BUTTON: Button Manufacturer is charged with selling a BUTTON and failing to furnish a 143 page instruction manual on how to push their button.   ★ Pun intended.

• SURVEY: Take our Survey and Get your mailbox flooded with junk mail!

• BAD NEWS: Your Privacy Notice has been HACKED!

• SURVEY:On a scale of |1 - 10| How Likely are you to Recommend Your Debt Collector?