LAUGH TRACK: DIRECTOR to COMEDIAN: Our laugh track is broken. You'll have to get your audience to actually laugh at your jokes on your comedy show tonight .
LOST CELL PHONE: PHONE: I have looked everywhere for my cell phone, can you help me find it? PHONE'S SPOUSE: Yes. You can call your cell phone on our phone in the other room. (LATER) Did you find your cell phone? PHONE: Yes. It was in my back pocket.
COMPUTER UPDATE: YOUR COMPUTER SOFTWARE IS OUT OF DATE. Update NOW! and YOU get our deluxe package of Bloatware, MORE ADS to buy useless trinkets and Sneaky background apps for us get more of your information.
BUT WAIT - THERE'S MORE: IF YOU UPDATE NOW, you get our super bonus package of pop-ups absolutely FREE!
INTERNET SERVICE PROVIDER: A CUSTOMER COMPLAINS OF THE BILL GOING UP: The reason we raised your internet fees is because your promotional ran out. CUSTOMER: This is the third month in a row my promotional ran out.
VOICE RECORDER: A PHONE VOICE RECORDER May not improve one's memory, but it can sure help them remember what they
FORGOT.
PHONE DOC: DENVER: I'm going to take my cell phone to the doctor today. HARLOW: Why? DENVER: Because it has POP-UP and APP disease and I want to see if the doctor can CURE IT.
MOON ROCKET: This is ASTRO: calling Earth. CONTROL: We read you loud and clear. ASTRO: I forgot the password to ignite my spaceship's rocket so I can return to Earth. Can you tell me my password? CONTROL: We are not allowed to give out passwords over the phone. You will have to come back to Earth to get it.
PHONE HELP: Mir: When I have trouble with my cell phone, I ask for backup. Kai: Who do you ask? Mir: My CHILDREN." Kai: How old are your children? Mir: My youngest is 56.
ANSWERING MACHINE: Phone: I'm either assisting other buyers or on the other line. If you will leave you name and number, I will return your call sometime in this CENTURY.
WATCH TV: Sam: Why do your just lay there and watch TV all day? Lake: Because it is my VIRTUAL work-at-home JOB.
DRUMMER: It's hard toBEAT being a drummer.
BREAKING NEWS: A Scientist now believes RAIN is caused by water falling from the SKY.
SOCIAL MEDIA: Social Media leaves me alone! ★ Pun intended.
TV: We interrupt our 100 commercials to bring you a PROGRAM BREAK.
Life Over 56 
