Life Over 56  


  • DAK:   What are you going to do today?  CODIE:   I am going to ask my foot doctor IF I have a leg to stand ON."

  • OUTER SPACE - SENIOR:   My family wants me to be a little more modern, so they bought me a ticket on a Space Craft so I can see all the SPACE JUNK Orbiting around Earth.

  • QUAKE:   I felt the house shake a while ago? Do you think we had an earthquake?  EARTH:   No, It was an aftershock when I totaled our bills for the month.

  • KALIN:   Do you plan to live forever?   JESSEE: I don't know. I can't see that far.

  • ALEX:   Sorry I am late for the meeting. I was teaching my grand kids how to use my Corded Phone.

  • GLASSES:   SYDNEY:  I think I need new glasses, I am having trouble seeing.   RYAN:   How long has it been sense you cleaned your glasses.   SYDNEY:  About a year.   RYAN:  I think if you cleaned your glasses you would see a whole lot better.

  • MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTION    SALES REP:  I am calling because your magazine subscription is about to expire in 21 years, 311 days 17 hours and 39 minutes. Would you like to renew your subscription today? Renew now and get a twenty-five cent popcorn charm bracelet absolutely FREE!   ROBIN:  My dentist said popcorn in bad for my teeth.

  • TIRED:    SENIOR TO SPOUSE:   I'm tired. THE SPOUSE:  Replied, "I'm so tired I'm retired."

  • WOODEN NICKLE:    DARRA:  Be careful and don't take any wooden nickels. FRANKIE:  Have you seen the prices for wood now days. I'll take all the wooden nickels I can get!

  • DESIRE:    VAHN:  I want to buy a new car TODAY!   WINTER:  But you can't afford a new car.   VAHN:  I still want a new car!   WINTER:  Don't let your desire for a new car overrule your common sense.

  • THERAPY:    THERAPIST:  For today's exercise you need stand on one foot for 25 seconds and repeat the exercise ten times.   PAITENT:  I'm lucky to be able to stand on two feet.

  • MEMBERSHIP FEE:    Director:   to KARTER:  You have been a loyal member of our senior organization for over 25 years. We thought you deserve a reward. We have decided to double your membership fee.

  • DOCTOR:   WALKER:  How did the doctor visit go today?   TERRIN:  My urologist said I am like an old boat. I spring a leak once in a while.

  • Procrastinating:   CARSON:  Why don't you stop procrastinating?   FEANKIE:  Because I am too busy doing NOTHING.

  • SENIOR:    A Senior:  Was asked, "How do you feel?"   The Senior Replied: My Muscles are sore, My Back hurts, My Feet are swollen & My memory loss is getting worse. Besides that I feel pretty GOOD.

  • LOOKING:    BOSS:  Why has your production been a little low lately?   WORKER:  Because I spend more time looking for things I can't find than I do working.

  • WEATHER:    Sun:  How do I know when someone doesn't care about the weather?   Cloudy:  When one asks them how's the weather and they reply. WHAT IS THAT?

  • GLASSES:    KELLY: QUICK!  Help me find my glasses? I think I see something scary on the floor!   MAX:  No. It's just your glasses!

  • KID:    Pat:  Why do you act more like a senior than a kid?   MAX:  Well! It is because I have more experience at being a senior than I have at being a kid.

  • SLEEP:    A SENIOR:  I SLEEP so soundly I need a Crowbar to pry me out of bed in the morning!

  • GOLDEN YEARS:    The GOLDEN YEARS  are worth their weight in (GOLD) MEDICAL BILLS.

  • 4 STAGES:   Charlie: I am in the 4th. stage of Aging.   FINKEY:   What are the 4 stages of Aging.   CHARLIE:  Stage 1 started at 35 when my hair started falling out. Stage 2 stated at 45 when my teeth started going bad. Stage 3 started at 55 when my eye sight started failing. Stage 4 started when !, ?, * was 75 or was it 77. Did I mention Memory?

  • WILL:   Being of Failing mind and Frail body, When I pass away, I hereby request that all my medical bills be given to my medical debt collector.

  • EXPERIENCE:    JAMIE:   applied for a car mechanic job. The Interviewer asked how much experience do you have?   JAMIE:  replied, "Oh! I have over 10 years of experience working on cars from 1929 to 1939. I worked mostly on the 1929 Model A Ford cars and trucks.

  • TWENTY DOLLAR BILL:    EMPLOYEE:  Asks a manager, what is this?   MANAGER:  That is a Twenty Dollar Bill.   EMPLOYEE: I have never seen a one of those Before.

  • WEAK BRAIN:    DOCTOR:  I see from your memory tests that your brain is a little weak.   Patient:  My brain is not weak! Eighty percent of MY BRAIN is on a LUNCH BREAK!

  • SPRING:    I’m like an old worn out mattress. I just don’t have the SPRING I used to.

  • GOING FOR A WALK:  A Person  goes for a walk. It starts to rain. The rain reminded them they forgot to bring their umbrella.

  • OLD COUCH:   OAKLEY: was asked how life was going.   OAKLEY REPLIED:  I'm doing OK, but I feel like an old COUCH. I sag in the middle and my legs are a little wobbly.

  • ACT YOUR AGE:  If I acted my age, I would be Very Old!

  • MEMORY:    AZARIAH:  wrote a note as a reminder to wake up in the morning. But when AZARIAH woke in the morning the note was no where to be found.

    IN THE MIRROR:   I looked in the mirror this morning and saw a white haired OLD MAN. I wonder who it could have been.

  • MEMORY:   When one is young they need to save their memory. Because when they get my age they will need all the memory they can get.

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