WORK  

• SAUNA:   MANAGER TO CUSTOMER: What would you like me to show you today? CUSTOMER A sauna.   MANAGER: You do not need a sauna. You can come to work for us and you can work up a sweat without a sauna.

• POLL:   MANAGER TO EMPLOYEE: Our company has taken an employee production POLL and your production approval rating is the lowest in the company. So, you need to put more boxes and cans on the shelf during your work day.

• CARPENTER JOB:   In 1969 I asked a construction foreman for a carpenter job. The houses they were building looked like they were thrown together, and I told the foreman so. THE FOREMAN: Said, "Are you going to get out your tools and go to work, or are you going to just stand there talking." I got out my tool and went to work.

  However, that job caused me to be stuck being a carpenter and later a cabinet maker and eventually a finish or trim carpenter and wood mill work installer for over 30 years.

• ACTIVE LISTENING:   Boss: We are an active listening office. Any Questions?   Employee: Yeah, What is active listening?    Boss: Active listening is when I speak you listen!

• UNDERSTAND NO:   A carpenter was sent to repair a desk in an office. The carpenter noticed a note on the wall that read, "Just what is it about NO you don't understand?" The carpenter took the note down and wrote, "How you can spell NO without my help," then put it back on the wall."
  
  (I was that carpenter 35 years ago.)

• MAIN OFFICE:   CEO: You are rubbing the corporate fur the wrong way, so we are sending you to our Sahara Desert office for an attitude adjustment period.   Employee: That alright heat don't scare me. I'm use to global warming.

• BOSS TO EMPLOYEE:   BOSS: You don’t Seem motivated. Why did you come to work for us?   Employee: Three reasons. 1.Break, 2.Lunch and 3.Payday.   Boss: I can’t help you with 1. and 2. but I can help you with 3. Here is your Final PAYDAY.

• EMPLOYEE to MANAGER:   I worked a Whole Hour. Can I have a Half Hour Break?

• APPLICANT:   Your Applications Says You Will Work Long Hours for Low PAY.
  BOSS: You Just got the Job!